In case you hadn’t noticed I took a little blogging hiatus.

Things were crazy this past week and it just worked out better to not blog at all than to try and half ass do it when I was falling asleep and really didn’t have that much to say anyway. Who wants to read a shitty blog post – right?

Besides the usual 5:30 am workouts and smoothies for breakfast and salads for lunch and busy days at the deli and laundry and dishes and dog walks and dropping the girls off here and there – I was also up to my eyeballs in recital costumes.

I spent the past few days sorting & bagging costumes by size, class and dancer.

We get such a great scholarship for all of Linsey’s dance classes that anytime Jason or I can help out with anything at the studio we’re on it!

I got to sit in the director’s office a few nights this past week listening to all the music for the recital, hearing the girls conversations as they walked through the halls of the studio and watch a few of the pieces coming together. It was actually really fun!

This past week has also been filled with some difficult decisions and challenging moments. As a mother I struggle on the regular with balancing work, the girls, fitness, meals, dance classes, Jason’s schedule, house work, quiet time and fun time for all of us.

Sometimes it’s more than I can handle and I have little melt downs.

Regan has been challenging lately and it makes me question my abilities as a mother. I don’t like to question my abilities as a mother, but there have definitely been moments where I thought I was going to snap. I worry about the way I handle situations when pushed to my breaking point. There will definitely be money spent on therapy at some point in the future…

Mornings have been particularly rough and tantrums have escalated to the point of making everyone late to their morning destination. There were many, many tears this week. There were also tons of laughs!

Jason came up with a plan to help alleviate some of the morning time drama and at first I wasn’t convinced. He decided that he should take Regan to school on his way to work (7:00 in the morning) and let Linsey and I have a peaceful morning together. Regan gets to play with some of her best friends at school, have breakfast with them and enjoy her morning as well.

At first it felt like I was simply shipping her off for someone else to deal with in the morning because I couldn’t cut it on my own, but after talking to a few people about it I realized that maybe it’s just what we all need for a bit. Stress free mornings.

The amazing thing was that after we did this, when she and I were together again, it was all smiles and goofy faces. She said she had the best time at school eating breakfast with her friends and her teacher told me that she enjoyed it immensely.

We may not do it forever, but for now it seems to be a good idea for everyone.

I’ve also realized that as much as I love my daughters there are definitely times when I need an evening away from them to hang out with other grown ups.

Last night Jason and I attended the annual trivia night for Linsey’s school with six of our friends. We had a great time answering questions, laughing at some of the goofy answers we came up with to throw off other tables, (me) doing jello shots, singing, dancing in our chairs, chatting and eating my homemade guacamole that was FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC!!

Normally Jason and I sit at a table with the same three other couples. We’ve done it for a number of years now and always had a good time. This year we did something different. We organized our own table with some of our other friends that we don’t get to hang out with all that much. It was made up of close friends, new friends that we hope become closer and friends that know us in ways that other people never will.

Because of this decision we were referred to as “traitors” by members of the previous table. I laughed it off and smiled as I walked away, but in reality it sort of hurt my feelings at first. I’m not in high school anymore. I’m 32 years old and am allowed to have other friends that I spend time with. I’m not locked into a relationship with anyone but Jason and I was really surprised by that reaction.

When it was all said and done I had the best time at a trivia night that I have ever had and our table even tied for 2nd place…beating our old table. It was pretty great! I’m pretty sure that I did a good job of making everyone at our table feel comfortable (because they didn’t all know each other already) and I’m hoping that everyone had a good time. I know (after a dozen jello shots) I did!!

Due to the late night and copious amounts of alcohol/sugar we almost overslept this morning and didn’t get the girls to dance. Luckily Linsey was the responsible one and woke us up.

We even surprised the girls with a trip to the doughnut shop after class because they are always asking to go and I’m always saying no. I’m learning to live a little when it comes to stuff like that. It’s true that one doughnut isn’t going to kill anyone. The girls (and Jason) were super stoked!

I even splurged!! I had an orange juice and a bavarian cream doughnut.

It was O.M.G. good, but soooooooo rich.

I guess the reality of my life is that a breakdown = a breakthrough.

I have to let down my guard, stop being so overcritical, quit the constant stressing, let go of my preconceived notions of how things will go/should be and just enjoy my life a little more. I want to feel like this as much as I possibly can…

Because in the end it isn’t how much I weigh, how many calories I ate yesterday, how many minutes of exercise I logged or how much money I made that will be the things I look back on when I’m old. It will be how many times I laughed. How many times I kissed my husband. How many times my daughters hugged me. How many times I told them I loved them. How much I snuggled with them at night, under the covers, reading Goodnight Moon. How great my marriage was and happy my daughters were.

Those are the things that will be in the front of my flashbacks.

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.  ~ Friedrich Nietzsche